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Cossbysweater

by Allie Goertz

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tancread
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tancread Perfect music for quiet reading nights. Favorite track: Tonight (D&D).
Emily
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Emily Allie's songs and success with them inspired me to start writing again. Her soft voice and folk style is similar to my own, and she is a big inspiration to me. And some of these songs in particular have inspired me to check out the shows they are about. Freaks and Geeks, for one. Favorite track: Good Kid (Freaks & Geeks song).
Reuben Horst
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Reuben Horst A fantastic collection of nerdy songs. Allie Goertz appeared as a guest musician on a show I watch and left me considerably impressed. I bought the album, and here we are. Oh, and in addition to all the great original songs, the album also includes pretty much the greatest cover song ever. Favorite track: Tonight (D&D).
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1.
Comedians 02:00
It is not my fault That I like Patton Oswalt It is not a crime That I've got Rob Huebel on my mind and if it's wrong don't tell me how cause I'm not gonna stop like Judd Appatow Cause I am a girl who is in love with comedians My first crush was Pee Wee Herman and now I'm on to Eugene Mirman I don't know how it happened so fast but I've got feelings for Martin Starr and they're gonna last Tell me it's okay to like Louis CK All of my friends call me "Smeagol" Cause I'm looking for a ring from Jason Segel It's not the money that turns me on I'm not interested in Benjamins except for H. Jon No I'm just a girl who is in love with comedians I want Andy Daly nightly Would Paul Scheer come near if I asked him politely Will my salad ever get tossed by David Cross?
2.
Sometimes it seems like you’re the only one who’s thinking You switch your sisters keg cause you don’t want her drinking Bill is getting tipsy while he is watching dallas Nick writes a song for Lindsey and his fingers callous You’re a good kid You do what you should You’re a good kid But youre misunderstood You just want cindy to be yours at the dance But you like star wars and she’s on cheer You don’t stand a chance Neil wants to be cooler Lindsays tired of hurtin Kim is getting crueler Nick wants to drum like Peart and You’re a good kid You do what you should You’re a good kid But youre misunderstood You get picked on for being in AV Folks are strict cause you are still their baby Put up fight there’s more than one Alan White You will find that there’s pay off for hard work In good time you’ll find a girl who likes the jerk These are only your teens One day you’ll find your own Maureen You’re a good kid You do what you should You’re a good kid But youre misunderstood You want to fit in so you dress a different way Ken puts on bowie cause he thinks he might be gay Daniel wants to be punk Bill gets cut off mid-funk Nick gets into disco The girls take a risk oh You’re a good kid You do what you should You’re a good kid But youre misunderstood
3.
Everything’s coming up millhouse But Lisa still passes him by Everything’s coming up millhouse But his flood pants can’t keep his eyes dry He gives nelson Lisa’s letter He believes that when she leaves him she’ll like millhouse better He get’s knocked to the floor Isn’t that what a big sister is for? Everything’s coming up Milhouse But no body likes him at all Everything’s coming up Milhouse But the friends that he’s got laugh at him when he falls Milhouse don’t you know Where ever you go Trouble will follow Don’t forget class is Dismissed at the end and don’t lend your glasses To your best friend. He’ll copy your earring He’ll sell you his soul He’ll lie about your goldfish Even though you’ve got the bowl Milhouse, lower your eyebrows And the other one, too Alone and blue like you Everything’s coming up Milhouse But no body likes you at all Everything’s coming up Milhouse But the friends that you’ve got laugh at you when you fall In the tree house you’re a loner Lisa knows there’s nothing funny ‘bout the word “tromboner” She’s bound to respect you soon When she sees that you’ll do anything she asks of you You’re so vacant, Milhouse you could be ol’ Gil’s house You’re unsatisfactory As dry as your dad’s cracker factory Life’s given you lemons You’ve squozen your supply You know then what it feels like when doves cry
4.
Something about the blues depressed me How quickly you lose your kid just impressed me When i'm with you I feel up So let's get pizza in a cup I've only known you four weeks and three days To me it feels 9 weeks and 5, babe The first seemed like a week and the second seemed like more It's written down, now tell me that i'm yours I might not have money But now i'm somebody I'm in the phonebook pg 73 So when you make love to your boyfriend think of me You look so peaceful, you almost look dead I'm no longer nervous, can say things i've never said I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit. With you I'm relaxed enough to say it. I will order both of us the newest wine In hopes that it will help me make you mine. I'll put umbrellas in your drink and keep the snails of your plate If you say "yes" when i ask you on a date Once you get to know me you'll see my special purpose and on that day i'll pick you out a vinyl striped thermos Not an ordinary Thermos but the best that you can buy now tell me Can I be your guy? I can't clap in time but my heart keeps good rhythm Now promise to think of me when ever youre with him or if you think that we could work leave him for this jerk.
5.
Sonny Jim 04:23
You said, “Come outside You and I can take a ride You don’t have to put your helmet on If you promise not to tell your mom” And I said, “I won’t speak a word even if I get hurt” I’ll grab my catcher’s mitt Put on the grass stained jeans I ripped I’ll run as far as I’m allowed To catch the ball You said “Hold on tight” As I prepared to take flight As I said “Push me higher” and so you did. And you pick me up And you spin me round I don’t ever want to touch the ground I’m not there to be called in But I’ll always be your Sonny Jim Then I grew Too big for your shoulders And I knew You won’t always hold her So young when my life begun I wonder if you were ready Drink coke when you’re twenty-one You always held me steady You worry if I’ll be alright When you and Rod go out tonight But you’ve earned having grown up And I’ll still be here when you’re done Scared of ten You’ll never be one again. Now, a friend Who would have liked you then You pick me up And you spin me round I don’t ever wanna touch the ground (instrumental) You can’t reach the dial You put up with bad tv so I can sleep a while You sand in the garage You meant to stop but now the rough part’s gone. You pick me up and you spin me round I don’t ever wanna touch the ground If you pick me up I won’t let you down I don’t wanna hafta touch the ground
6.
You've had enough of your 9-5 so grab your stuff and you start to drive cause tonight you will play in a new founded campaign where you dont have to think of home just of princesses and thrones yes tonight, you're with friends and until this journey ends you are braver and stronger why can't this night last longer youve got the snacks theyve got the die you roll your stats as they get high rolled three 18's your lucky night you hope you will get in a fight and oh, there will be blood spilled oh, there will be orcs killed by your hand guards come fast, you take them on with fiery blast you move along you were lied to by a spy you lose a friend you want to cry until you hear a sound in the distance that pulls you back into your own existence tonight you count chip bags on the floor your friends divide the gold you'll store. and while the DM calculates you think about your player's traits he's strong, charismatic and he doesn't look like you being brave's not problematic when your AC's 22 but tonight you fought well and you don't let yourself dwell on your burdens your workday how could you when there are dragons to slay
7.
You and I can share a mayonegg Give me your hand Consider me bland But I will help you make your banana stand Honey, can I give a buzz cuz you’re special to me Can I bee so crazy for you that I need analrapy show me your best boy fight give me your brownie, afternoon delight come on come on come on i don't need bob loblaw to prove that I'm in love come on come on come on after pop pop stay with me, don't return me like a dove Let me be the huge mistake that you make I'm not acting. Who am I, Carl Weathers? Our love is magic, lighter fluid and feathers. Hair down hair up lights off Let me be the MR F that Mr. you would like to F Hair down hair up lights off Come on, drink. I’m feeling loose; I’ve got unlimited juice My cream is made of lots of diamonds Come with me on the yacht to an island. And when we go, we’ll leave a note.
8.
With a poisoned blade and a list of names
 I stabbed and slashed and made my fame For gold, I took lives free of blame In the city of Gamotia My sword was keen, my armor thick No fighter’s thrust or wizard’s trick Or curse from priest, or thieving pick Could pierce my heart of stone So off one day I rode and rode Into a dungeon’s maw I strode Some beast to worry, bait, and goad Then kill, to claim a bounty Then down a crooked hallway crept Across a spiked canyon leapt Into a chamber, phantom-swept There sat my newest prey A hissing demon made of bone A rotted tunic, eyes that shone Regal, sat on silver throne A zombie king, I reckoned It made no difference—I’d been paid A killer’s contract had been made This ghoul’s head, severed, would be laid On my retainer’s table Then up he sprang and drew a scroll And with a voice dry-dark as coal Began a chant that pierced my soul And froze me where I stood I wore two rings one carved from jade One of mithril, elvish made The first one cause all magic to fade, the second made me swift Not swift enough or so it seemed The ghouls eyes sockets yet still gleamed And then drew close as gray mist steamed out of his hingey jaw “Your contract’s null, yet you will live I’m not the one your death to give That fate awaits—but, like a sieve, Your time is running short.” He said, “There are worlds above our own We are but fancies, proxies thrown Into a dream—not flesh and bone We are but dice and paper.” “We’re hero figures for the weak Who aren’t yet confident to speak- To girls, or claim the life they seek,” The ghoul said with a sigh Back in Gamotia, suddenly (Or had it always bothered me?)- I sensed a subtle falsity- In every face I spied Their skills and defects, will and wit- Seemed paper-thin and counterfeit- Their fates the same and long pre-writ- Off in some far-off sky The sky I noticed seemed to be Of crumpled foolscap torn me No longer was I a killer free To kind my own lifes path I sensed, somewhere outside the land,- A soft and inexperienced hand That knew no steel and claimed no land- Had brought me into being And so decided, in a flash I’d not be tossed away like trash My sword would rend and gnaw and lash Against a pudgy god
9.
Dear Allison , Won’t you Hold on to your virtues But not get caught up in your head Did you know that it’s okay For people to like different things What will it matter when you’re dead That you like what you do When people ask “who’s got the best taste” You say you It’s time to put that to rest Don’t forget the subjectivity of best You can have a friend Who likes watching Friends Without thinking they’re a bad person I know that you’re leery Of people who watch Big Bang Theory Cause you think there’s no show worse than that But you can’t change what people like If your mom likes Glee Don’t put up a fight You can be opinionated Without making your friends feel So alienated Just stop telling them that they’re wrong For listening to their favorite song If they don’t know what In Bruges is Or prefer the three stooges To Chico Harpo and Groucho Marx If they don’t like Django Reinhardt Or Demetri Martin’s pie charts Try and spare them your Snide remarks You can like the girls Who don’t like Dunham’s Girls Without calling them all morons Some friends don’t like RPGS Or the get the reference “covered in bees” Some people will never ever ever See Red Dawn But you can’t change what people like If your mom likes Two and a Half Men Try and be polite You can be opinionated Without making your friend feel So alienated Just stop telling that they’re wrong For still listening to that god awful song Your friends shouldn’t be berated for calling the Beatles overrated No matter how much you disagree But if you put on Seinfeld And they don’t laugh Say something hurtful And never take it back. Sincerely, Me
10.
Here I am and there you are How far can we take this sham? There you go and Here I stay How long can we keep things this way? "Long Enough" Does it exist? Is there a time where it makes sense to leave room to be missed? Can't we just stay? Leave it how it is? How much better could it really be than this? Stagnant's fine Stagnant's safe Stuck in time, stuck in place Here’s not good Here’s not bad Here's to things not being more sad "There" seems nice But at a price and it's a chance I don't trust with my dice.
11.
There is a place I can go when I’m dreary A home of a friend that makes me feel good Within this space I am suddenly cheery I’m happy, warm and understood Let’s connect the dots with the Magic Screen Get lost in watts of our Majesty The King of Cartoons Will take us soon To a land we can make believe Let’s go play fetch with our good friend¬¬ Pterri Throw it far and watch him soar Where would I be without my pal, Chairy? Probably on the floor Now Conky will teach us the secret word We’ll scream real loud every time it’s heard No salesman today It’s the playhouse gang And they are ready to play But what’ll happen if I don’t get my wish What if I can’t be seen again And I lose all my friends I can be…fooled..by randy Only so many times Before being brought back to cool cat Dirty dog and chicky baby’s rhymes Passed Mr. Window And far beyond Globy I’m told I’m too old for pretend But here, in the playhouse that never outgrows me, I’ll always have my friends So Please cowboy Curtis And Miss Yvonne if you’ve heard us Pick up the picture phone I’m paging mr. herman Mr. herman you have a call, please answer cuz I’m headed home
12.
All my life I thought I was living the dream I smoked my pipe and everything was just as it seemed The warm sun rises on the lush green trees With no surprises here to make me late for tea I don't like things that are strange Cause comfort doesn't come from change save your adventures for the sneaks and the thieves for I assure you I am meek and none of these find someone to take my place and I will live life at my pace “oh, oh bilbo” the grey wizard said with a smile, do you truly wish to live a life so plain and simple when in another man's shoes you haven't walked a mile. there is a fire in the hearts of all beyond the shire, you may soon feel tall there's more to you than they will guess time will put you to the test we may not meet before the end for there's trouble in the south my friends what is complaining when it's only raining what is cold and what tired? When you have enough gold to retire? What are scars from beasts ‘n’ crooks when you're a hero in the history books you must carry on even when you can’t sing your song and when the nights feel ever longer it is up to you to be strong through riddles and games you hear the mountains call your name clarity atop the trees you recall a life once lived with ease neither your sword nor ring alone can claim your beckoning back to a world so grand you found when you dismissed your plans you have fought your foes and found your friends you have made it there and back again
13.

about

I am so excited to share with you my first album. We have been working on this project since November 2012 and could not be happier with how it turned out. We hope you love it as much as we do.

All money goes towards future Cossbysweater projects. I'm not signed and all the work that went into this album was done by a small group of close friends I trust and love.

Thank you for your support.

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released May 4, 2013

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AllieGoertz Los Angeles, California

Nerdy Love Songs

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